let me introduce

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​​​Welcome to the first Pen Pal Prompt, I am so happy to have you here.

The first prompt was a simple one, introduce yourself. As straightforward as that should be, I've sat here in front of this document, now on draft number four, still fumbling for words. I’ve made several life changing choices in the last two years that is making this introduction exceptionally difficult.

One year and seven months ago I ended my marriage, right about the same time Will and l, my former husband and current teammate, bought 80 acres of land together. It was enough land to raise our daughter on while also giving each other a proper amount of space for two people who are trying to undo their marriage.

On top of that, I left my 12 year career as a hairstylist to obey a calling born deep within my soul, to write. As someone who has never published a single thing that is quite a fucking leap. 

Making those life altering decisions didn’t come out of nowhere. There was thought, conversation and a carefulness behind every choice I made, but even with the sharpest clarity and best intentions you just don't know the way life is going to play out. With all the mindfulness and energy Will and I spent delicately untangling the life we had created, I never imagined that it would feel like I had divorced my family rather than my spouse. 

You see, my love for my family is huge. My biggest and greatest acts of love are reserved for my family. Truly, until I had my daughter there was nothing more important to me than my parents and my 6 siblings. I’ve always had an insatiable hunger for closeness within my family and I would do whatever I could to create the familial intimacy I craved. 

The times my siblings relied on me satiated my hunger, eager to let any of them stay at my house for as long as they needed, bad attitudes, drug addictions, boyfriends, it didn't matter, I’ve always been damn happy to just have them around. I became an open door, emotionally and physically. When the pain of ending my marriage took all of my strength and I had nothing left in me to show up as the thoughtful daughter and sister my family was used to, I, for the first time, was unable to put my family’s emotional needs before my own. From my perspective, when I was in my own emotional turmoil, too overwhelmed to have the right words and in too much pain to be able to shut up, all the noise I was making didn’t warrant me support, it just made me intolerable. 

It's a dark place when you feel unbearably lonely and you can't think of anyone to call.

I found myself on my 80 acres, alone and grieving. 

Grieving the loss of everything I had been pouring all my love into. 

Grieving, gardening, grieving, writing, grieving while dancing around the kitchen with my daughter, grieving, and eventually, healing. 

It was from that place of loneliness that I found the courage to pursue writing. Loneliness freed me in a sense because what did I have left to lose? It no longer mattered to me if Jake from high school was on the other side of the internet mocking my rambling thoughts on instagram. I knew what it felt like to bend myself for love and I was done trying to shapeshift to fit into spaces. I was ready to be seen, I was ready to be heard. 

Instagram became a place to verbally express the constant bouncing of thoughts in my head, the internet can be a delightfully light hearted place, but, as we all know, it can be painfully fake and demoralizing as well. I knew my writing debut needed somewhere else to live, I wanted to be authentic to myself, I didn't want to squash my creativity trying to create click bait and understand algorithms, and I didn't want to shrink my story-telling to fit into a caption. 

The beautiful idea of postcard poetry came to me the way my best ideas do, while I was falling asleep.

I have been given a precious gift in this life, of friendships that goes back as far as elementary school, and those three childhood friends were the first people in my life to encourage me to write. I decided I would make my poems into postcards for those friends. I figured if I was going to spend the time making the postcards, why not extend the invite to anyone from my instagram who wanted a postcard from me too. Four months later here we are, publishing a website and pursuing an endeavor I'm ready to explore beyond a hobby.

I am very excited to be here. 

I am grateful to be walking the healing road with my family. When relationships crack it’s painful for everyone. I honor that the pain has not been limited to my own, but as Lenard Cohen says, cracks are how the light gets in. I’d like to think that the light is illuminating what we couldn’t see in one another.

I’m excited to be discovering uncharted territory within myself, and to be right here, on this page, creating art with my words and building a community with you. On this blog page “Pen Pal Prompts” I will be answering the writing prompt that comes attached to every postcard poem, you are invited to send your prompt response back to me via snail mail! (use the return address on the postcard)

I am very excited to build this community and am incredibly honored that you are here, talk to you soon! 

Xxx